Michael Bay is Loved by Everyone
This is both true and painfully ironic.
His film, Transformers 2, had the second largest opening single day of all time on Wednesday, raking in $60.6 million dollars. So, he is clearly loved by lots of you.
At the same time, the reviews of the film were blisteringly awful, but many were staggeringly creative:
“It sounds as though the script…was written in serial novel form during an all-night mescaline bender,” Christopher Orr, The New Republic
“I’d rather listen to Mr. Roboto on a loop for 150 minutes than watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen again,” Mike Ward, Richmond.com
“Will insult your intelligence, hurt your eyes, and offend your sense of decency until you worry that your skull might explode while your brain trickles right out of your ears,” Tricia Olszewski, Washington City Paper
Please note that the following is from a POSITIVE review of the film:
“It’s like watching a blender for two hours while someone shouts at you. And then the last half an hour is the same, except it’s more like having your head strapped to a washing machine while you watch a blender and someone shouts at you,” Paul French, FHM
But perhaps the best comment was called out by former Deadspin editor Will Leitch after he read what Roger Ebert wrote:
“I didn’t have a stop watch, but it seemed to me the elephantine action scenes were pretty much spaced out evenly through the movie. There was no starting out slow and building up to a big climax. The movie is pretty much all climax. The Autobots and Deceptibots must not have read the warning label on their Viagra. At last we see what a four-hour erection looks like.”
Mr. Leitch also gleefully called out Rian Johnson’s recent tweets. Rian Johnson is the writer and director of Brick and The Brothers Bloom. I’m sure Michael Bay will gladly call out that Mr. Johnson’s films combined were outgrossed by Transformers 2 in the first 60 seconds of its release. Having said that, Mr. Johnson writes:
“I think Bay's creative process is clarified by describing any scene from the film then putting the words "and shit" at the end of it:”
"And they're in Egypt, so they're driving past camels and shit."
"And they need to get to this machine they have to bust up the pyramids and shit."
"And this sliver thing activates something in Shia's brain so he's seeing symbols and shit."
And finally, the “Fake Michael Bay” twitter page is fantastic. It’s kind of like the Chuck Norris jokes, but still brilliant.
